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Thoughts from the Mirror

Like water from the raindrop tear,
My sweat drips down for I see it here.
What do I see?
What can it be?
I see me, something I fear.
I see me with intentions clear.
I speak words I wish not to hear,
I judge others and call them mere.
Why do I do this? The question appears.

This is not me, not anywhere near,
Yet I am what I see in me,
With a mind that rots with imperfection,
A tongue that does not agree with body and action,
A face that is a mask, hiding what is real.

Why do I betray ones dear?
Why do I betray my standards every year...
Every month, every week,
Every day, every moment that draws me here?

I fail myself, my God and fall into my fear.
The fear that I am a hypocrite, a stone hearted rear.

My thoughts are a mess
With filth from there and here,
With thought of hate, darkness, something queer.

I am ashamed of myself, of what I have come to be.
I am ashamed of the once
Innocent person in the mirror, I see.

I have become proud of my wrong,
And yet ashamed, the reason for this song.

Seeking for satisfaction for reasons of pride,
I act the opposite as if all pride has died.
Yet I know that in there, not so deep,
For my mistakes, I and my Father weep.
For my defeat, I and He mourns.
I betrayed the cross
And I betrayed His thorns.

Lies and more lies I have said
To hide my shames, with result of my dignity near dead.
 

 I once laughed at all who couldn't discern
The wrong from right and the right from wrong.
Yet now I am here, 
Thoughts flying faster than a thrown spear,
About my shame, my fear,
Everything there and here.

I cry to you, O Lord!
I have failed You again, once more.
I bow my knees, my face to the floor.
Forgive me, I pray.
For the things I took as play.
Wash my pride with Thy pure tide
Of the cleansing blood
That flows from Your Son.
And let me feel again,
Let me see the sun.
Let me know that 
You are the only one to whom I can run... 

      -by Josh Arriola